Personal tips to get better

How can you keep yourself busy? When you have depression or something else. The most common thing to do is to block everything out. It is difficult to start over again, every single day. But you continue everyday, but it doesn’t  mean that you are better. But you are blocking every feeling that you have and when your home then you can start feel it again. It’s not just me or you, who is like that. Everyone is like this. It can take a long time before you will try to start over. And you will try many times.

It isn’t easy to try to get better. It’s a long road that will be with you for rest of your life. Because it’s a bad memory, and those are the hardest memory to get rid off. But one day you will think that this was the past, and you are okay with it. That was you for 1 or 5 years. And you know that you actually can get better!

But here’s some tips that helped me a lot to get better.

  • Be Active – One of the things I did was to get a better lifestyle. I started to walk everyday for 20-30 minutes. This was my time to think about everything and it was my alone time. largeLater on I started to do more exercises with squats,pushups and sit-ups. I wanted my strength and muscles to get a lot better. Because in December I got sick and I was that for 2-3 months before they found out what was wrong with me. I was staying in bed all day long. I still feel that there a long way still. But I have started and that’s the best feeling that you can have.
  • Search for help – That is the most important thing that I did. Talk with your friend, family or doctor. It is hard to tell something like this, but it really helps. You will feel that you have done something right and you will feel lighter then you were before you didn’t tell anybody. If I didn’t do that I wouldn’t be like this today. I have been seing my doctor since February about depression. I have been talking with my closest friends about it and my mother. It doesn’t mean that you are gonna tell everybody in the world about it. But find someone you really trust.
  • Start to write your feelings – It is really good to write down those feelings. You can write about anything you want. But for me it was really important to write about things because I lost a lot of memories. large-1I forgot everything I couldn’t say what I did the day before. I couldn’t remember things from my childhood. I couldn’t say how I was cause my mind was so blocked out. Just like I had been emptying it. So later on I started to put some pictures if my family so I could remember how they looked like. So I have decided that I will not read anything about it, before New Years Eve. I really don’t want to read it now and get depressed again. So I think that it is important to write it down and maybe look at it a few months later. Don’t start to read it 1 month after. Cause that will just make you more depressed.
  • Find a tv series – One thing that I have done recently is to find a tv series with my best friend.large-2 This is like our time. It is a great idea to do by yourself or with a friend or family. Cause this will get you out of the bubble that you are in. Because of this we have come even closer then we used to do.
  • Get a rutine – My rutine was the worst! I could stay up until 5 o’clock and just lay there. I didn’t have any rutine on when I was gonna get up or when I was gonna eat. Mostly of my days I would only eat 1 meal every day. I would sleep until 3 or 5 pm. I had nothing to live for, I didn’t have any job or school to go to. Of course my rutine would get ruined. So when I visited my doctor the first thing she did was to give me some tasks. The first thing is to go to bed early around 11 pm. Get up 8 am. Eat 3 meals every day. Walk 5 times in a week. It wasn’t easy, but I managed to do this tasks a little better every week.  It was getting easier and easier. And these tasks I got them in February and I’m still doing them. So my tip for you is that set some easy tasks for you. Something that you can manage and you won’t struggle to do. It doesn’t help to start with the hardest tasks.

 

I hope that this will help you and get an inspiration to try to get better. It is seriously the best feeling to have, when you finally can feel more happiness. That you doesn’t just block everything out. So this are a few and the most important things that have been helping me a lot now. I can finally feel more free, I really don’t feel that empty anymore. I wanna start over and inspire people.

Whishing you were somehow here again

30 May 2015

For 2 months ago my worst nightmare started again. I was getting better, but there is always something that ruins it. It is something that have been happening with me every year since 2010. It isn’t an easy subject to talk about cause it is so personal. The worst feeling that I have with me all the time is sorrow. That is something that I never can over it. When you have a loss in your family or someone who is very special for you. Then it will get harder to get over it. It is something that you can’t expect. Cause we humans doesn’t know when our time is out. We can’t chose the date or how we are gonna die.

  grief-lossBut over to what I was gonna write about. For 2 months ago, my grandmother passed away. She have been suffering with Parkinson. That is a nerve disease that can really control your balance, with speaking and a lot more but I will not write a lot about it. But she has also had cancer 2 times. She was ready to die, she was done with life. She has been saying that for many many years. After my grandpa died, everything changed for her. Her true love, her soulmate was gone. 9076911794And this disease just got worser and worser. But she was strong, really strong! She didn’t want help, she wanted to live as normal as possible. The last year we have all been helping here more and more. We would go and shop food for here. We would help her clean. We were there every single day. But on the 25th of March I got a call from my dad that she was at the hospital. They didn’t say anything to me. My mom picked me up and she was the one who told it to me. The thought of losing someone again would be my worst nightmare. The days passed and she got just weaker and weaker. I couldn’t go to the hospital and visit her. Cause I knew how this would end. I couldn’t see her in pain. So I was awake every night just waiting for a call, but nothing happened. But on 28th of March, my beautiful angel could fly to heaven. She didn’t have to suffer anymore or have this terrible disease anymore. She was finally free. I’m happy for her, but if I could have her longer then I would. Me and her had something together. She was one of them who could really see me. We were close, but we never got a chance to be alone for an hour and just talk about everythinfondos_del_espacio_km78Hg.

The sorrow will never go away, but I couldn’t expect anything else. I have cried a lot after this. I haven’t been crying this much as I have done now. I want it to stop and I know that it will get better and there will be some periods, when I will get really sad again. But my biggest wish is to make her happy. Even if she’s not here, I know that she will follow me every step! I will thank you grandma for everything. For giving me hope, showing me love. Thank you for that you was yourself, you followed your wishes and they came true. You are a true inspiration for me and for everyone that knows you. You will never be forget from anyone especially me. I will never forget you, my Angel!

Do not apologize for crying. Without this emotion, we are only robots.

Did you miss me?

As you can see there are a lot of posts on this blog right now. And maybe you wonder why? That’s because I have been writing everything as private. I have been having a long break, cause I couldn’t concentrate anymore. I was getting worser and worser every time I was thinking about that I was gonna write something down. What was I’m gonna write about? Shall I be honest or not? There was a lot of questions that I had. Why do you want to read this bullshit? Why my words about sorrows and pain?

But as I said I have been writing a lot lately and when I was ready I will put everything public. Since it is so personal when it is about yours feelings and thoughts. Then it is just hard to write about it and show it to everyone. There are many people who knows me who doesn’t now a thing about it. Cause I can’t. I’m not ready! I have tried to tell people, like my family and friends who I know I can trust. But always when I try I just can’t. But as you write my other posts. You will find out what I have been doing since last time I wrote something here.