The enemy within

A tear isn’t just an any tear, it shows the pain, the grief in life. Tears show a lot of emotions, mostly not for an positive side. It is an expression to show the pain that you have about something or about yourself.

I have cried many times for the last five years, I have just broke down cause I couldn’t handle the normal life, because that is not me anymore. I am a person who is sick and will always have those periods where you can’t control your emotions anymore. And believe me I have tried my best to show my best side. I can’t hide those emotions or get them away, I will always have them. It’s the truth that I have to understand. I can’t imagine a life where I will never feel depressed anymore, I can get less periods, but I can’t get them completely away.

I can feel the pain when I see photos of someone crying. I can see that they are hurt or are just tired of life. It is hard to know these things cause it effects yourself. That is one of the most hurtful personality that you can have. I just have to realize that this is me and I have to control it, and the only thing that can help me with that is to talk to my doctor when I feel the symptoms are coming back.


I just wished that this would be over now, but I was wrong.




3 thoughts on “The enemy within

  1. Things will get better. Keep being brave and keep addressing your problems. You will get there. Please visit my blog and follow if you would like, I blog about depression and anxiety and how I’ve come through it. The Suitcase Kid | Stepping into the light, as I inch closer everyday to conquering my depression, anxiety and eating disorders and begin to live the life I’ve always wanted.

  2. I know.. when the light is out.. it gets really really dark. And it it was true that the outside world affects how you are or that your experiences effects who you are or that your feelings effects who you truly are.. well then.. yeah I would agree with you. It is easy to think that when the light is on.. it will stay on forever… and when the light is off.. it will stay off forever. But I have learned that this is not the truth. The truth is that you own the switch… to turn it on or off. You just don’t know you do. We do not learn how to properly understand our mental self, our mental system, and the intelligence that goes into our innate mental health. Once you learn this… you will come to realize that actually there is nothing wrong with you. That we do not need to fear our feelings or our thoughts. That we are not our feelings, our thoughts or our experiences. We are not our history or life lessons. Our true self is infinite.. it has endless potential and it is perfect… in every moment. Your mental self wants to take care of you.. .if you just let it. It knows what you seek and it will give it to you… but you have to stop standing in the way. Let your innate mental health do what it knows best. What it is built to do.. and you will land in your innate wellbeing. It is the safest place on earth and where you will find unconditional love for your self. This is already within every human being. It is universally the same for everyone. We just don’t know it, because we where never told this. Instead we where told lies and illusions about our mind and mental health. There is nothing wrong with us. I know how you feel, I recognise your words for my own for years and years. I did not know… I had this in me. But I started listening to those telling me that it is there regardless of weather I believe in it or not. Eventually… I found it in my self. Thinking all along that I was broken and needed to be fixed. I suddenly realized for myself that this was a lie. I was never broken… I just believed I was. There has never been anything wrong with me.. I just thought it was. Innocently we torture ourselves with these lies and thoughts about ourselves. Continuing on the road of self torture, self hurt, self blame, self destruction, pain and missouri. Once we start looking in the other direction.. seeing our true self.. our true nature… then we will find what we used to seek in the negative. We find unconditional love… for ourselves and others. And we find inner peace. This is how we are made… Life is impersonal… we make it personal… believing we are at the center of the universe. Looking for universal truths and the impersonal.. is where true self lies… and where true innate health lies. Nothing good will be found in the personal or in the negative. Please… be kind to your self… there is nothing wrong with you. You are perfect, just the way you are. Stop self blaming, self hurting… down taking your self. Your value does not decrease just because someone stops believing in it… even if that someone is you. ❤ ❤ ❤ There is nothing wrong about you! There is nothing wrong about having negative feelings. If we are not afraid of them.. then we don't care they are there… and they will pass a lot quicker. Because the system autocorrects itself.. once you let it. The system works just like the weather does. Sometimes there are sun.. sometimes it rains, it snows, its foggy… its dark… and then it gets clear again. This is also true for our mind. With love, Lisa-Marie.

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