Still not healed

When was the last time I saw your beautiful smile? Laughter? having a conversation?       My heart is still not healed, there are many pieces that are broken. There’s pain, emptiness, anger and grief. There are so much I would do to just have one more day even hour, too see you and hear your beautiful voice. But in the reality it’s not possible..

Two years has passed. It feels like it was yesterday you died, and several years since I saw you. I can’t belive that it has only been two years, but I can remember how many breakdowns I have had since then. My life has since then stopped, but with every month that has passed I see that it is possible, to live life without you. It’s not gonna be easy, cause you were a big part of my life. I will also have these breakdowns, where the grief takes over me. Everything goes black, the only thing I can think about then is you!

730.484398 days, 63 113 851.9 seconds. That’s is how long my heart have been broken since my grandmother died, it have been really hard to accept it and I don’t know when I truly will be able to do it. But I know that this was your wish and you were done. You had your dreams, and know your dream was to meet your husband again. I’m happy for that, you don’t have to suffer anymore with your illness. But still my heart is still not healed.


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