When it doesn’t go as planned

Many people have as their big wish for the year, that everything will be good. But what about us who doesn’t have that?

One wish we all humans want is an happy and secure year. We want to feel safe, but also be creative and explore life. We want to create great memories that will be better then the last one. We want to think on the 31th December “Wow! What a great year” and set our new wishes for the next year.

My wish for this years was just like that, and I can right now say that it won’t end up like that. So far this year there have been a lot of challenges, unexpected things have happened and deaths. And this isn’t the first time it happens with me, it have been like this almost every year since 2010. When will it be my turn to be happy and think that this was a good year?

This year there have been extremely difficult things that have happened and I have been thinking a lot lately. I have experienced that one of my closest friends almost died in an car crash, great grandma have been in and out of the hospital and in easter one family friend died.

I have learned a lot from my feelings, but there is also a big emptiness inside me. I can’t understand how I have been able to hide my feelings this past months, or people hasn’t noticed at all. Every deaths, grows on me. I really can’t handle it and accept the loss, but also go thru grief. How can I go thru another grief process when I’m not done with the one who has been stuck for two years? How can I manage to get that away, when it is so strong?

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