Can’t let go

“Feelings don’t try to kill you, even the painful ones. Anxiety is a feeling grown too large. A feeling grown aggressive and dangerous. You’re responsible for its consequences, you’re responsible for treating it. But Michael, you’re not responsible for causing it. You’re not morally at fault for it. No more than you would be for a tumour.”

I have never understood that I have anxiety. I have always thought that it was just things that I have been worrying about, but it would go away in the end. But the things I have been worrying about has been building up more and more, and definitely haven’t gone away as I thought it would.

I am an person who worries a lot and can easily stress about the smallest thing. But I’m good at hiding it, people have trouble to see it. And that could be one of the biggest problems, cause then I won’t tell anyone about the things I’m worrying about.

What I’m worried about:

  • To lose hope
  • Depression/grieving will get worse
  • Someone near me dies
  • Fail as an person
  • Let go of my loved ones who has passed away

I want to control it but my won’t allow it. I always have to worry and also have control over everything before I do things. I can’t stop worrying, because if I do that then there would be nothing for me to do. I’m afraid that if I let it go that I would realize that someone is gone and there is nothing that I can do about it. But I’m not ready for that, because of guilt and grief.

 

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