Giving up?

I do not understand why it will happen to me? Why am I designated? What have I done to sit with these feelings? I feel both empty, angry, annoyed, confused and bored at the same time. What I can not figure out is whether it may be due to anxiety, depression or sadness. But for each time I get these feelings they only get stronger each time. I have begun to lose control of my own thoughts.

My thoughts have been one of the most important things I’ve had. Being able to dream yourself, but also thinking about things that can be challenging or bad to talk about. I’ve become more of the person who thinks more about himself than being social. It’s as if my thoughts decide on me because it has become a security. How can I control my mind without all the wounds coming back?


I’m not a perfect person, something that can be seen throughout the blog. In recent years, I have experienced more challenging and evil things than one would normally experience as a teenager / young adult. The constant remembrance of all the evil is tough. It is difficult to maintain normal life to pretend that everything is good. For the inside, I’m completely broken, but nobody understands or sees. But it may be the best, but it means I have to live with these thoughts and have periods where things are difficult and it’s extra hard to have a normal life with good routines for sleep, meals, etc. I can not give up either , And therefore it’s important to have the few things that give me hope.

“Never give up, for that is just the place and time that the tide will turn.”

– Harriet Beecher Stowe


Tips for students part 2

I hope those tips have helped you and here comes a few more! I do not own the tips:  But these tips are very good and some of these I will use to maintain my motivation. But also see if this will give me a better result than what the previous year did.

1. Don’t question and don’t stop yourself while writing. This is how I get my essays done so quickly – don’t worry too much about the quality of your writing while you’re at work. I find that I can hold myself back endlessly by worrying about a single word or sentence. Instead, let go of your inhibitions and don’t be afraid to write a terrible first draft. You can always edit later.

2. Use a timer. Work in bursts of time. Some people swear by 25 minutes; I prefer to work for an hour at a time, and then take a longer break. Either way, using a timer will keep you accountable and prevent you from wandering over to Facebook or Pinterest while you should be working.

3. Work and play in different areas. I heard the following from a nurse: bed should be for the three S’s: sleep, sickness, and sex – not work. Work at a desk or in a library, and reserve your room or bed for hanging out and sleep.

4. Use the 8/8/8 method for balancing your life. I heard this tip from the same nurse. It’s a way to divide your time to be responsible and still relax. Try to sleep for eight hours a day, spend eight working, and eight hours for the rest of your life – time with friends, eating, etc.

5. Set your own deadlines. This has saved me countless times when it comes to writing essays. If you have two essays due on the same day, vow to finish one of them on a different date; for example, a week or three days before it’s due. This will mean that you have to get started earlier, but it also means you will not have to scramble to finish all your work at the same time when your actual due dates come around.

6. Make yourself a schedule. Making yourself a schedule, even by using Google Calendar and screenshotting it, can be really useful. You get to have a copy of your permanent schedule on hand.

7. Set up email filters. I use Gmail, and I find email filters and tags a great way to organize my emails so that they stay organized without too much work. I use one tab for personal and one for academic, with different tags for different activities and classes. It helps make my inbox feel more manageable.

8. Back up your computer using a hard drive. That way, if it crashes, you won’t lose all your hard work.

9. Disconnect from the internet for a few hours a day. Unplugging is a healthy way to curb stress and keep yourself from wasting too much time on the internet.

10. Give each class a color. Each of my classes gets a distinct and separate color like blue, red, or green. I then match all my binders and notebooks for that class to that color, so that they are easier to find and grab when I am on the go.

11. Keep binders, folders, and/or notebooks for each of your classes. Everyone is different, but I find binders the easiest for most of my classes. Find out which one(s) work best for you and then do your best to keep them organized.

12. Have system for organizing your binders.

13. “If you take it out, put it back” rule. This is the easiest way to keep a desk clear.

14. Toss duplicates. You don’t need two staplers, or three rolls of tape. Give one away put it in storage for when your first one breaks or runs out.


15. Sleep enough. I can’t emphasize this enough. Sleep is so important! Try to get between seven and nine hours of sleep a day, depending on your age and preferences, which will help you stay alert and happy during the day.

16. Meditation/yoga/mindfulness/prayer. Find something that makes you feel connected to yourself or your spirituality. Mental health is so incredibly important, not just for being organized, but for being a balanced and happy person. Take care of yourself!

17. Go easy on yourself. No one is perfect, and it can be incredibly difficult to stay on top of everything in your life. Do your best, but remember if you mess up that it is okay to make mistakes. All that matters is that you are trying.


Ten years ago

It’s been ten years since my life got a new enjoyment and it was just a coincidence that it happened. About ten years ago, I met you right outside my house after we finished school and you asked me a very unexpected question, “Is that your cat?”. After that, we have had a very special band, we have found out what is right and when we cross the border. You are one of the few I dare to tell you all about. It is a proof of how much you mean to me. But it’s not our friendship story I would like to tell about …

It’s my best friend’s birthday! She has been 22 years old, but can honestly say she’s closer to 15 years because of all the crazy ideas she’s coming to. But they are the ones I appreciate. Being able to forget all the negative and the world for a few hours and be unstoppable! It’s with you I can finally feel free. You certainly do not know how grateful I am because you are in my life. I can not see how it would be without you, but I know it had been boring!

Congratulations on the day Shoo Shoo! Hope you get an amazing day, no matter if we can not celebrate it together. Also, I hope you get your wishes fulfilled for that, you really deserve it! Love you bestfriend!

Miss my family

Having a family is not always that easy. There may be challenges on the road, but it can also be a lot of pleasure. We have both aunts, uncles, siblings, parents, grandparents and maybe grandparents. But how will jealousy change family dynamics?

My definition of the actual dynamics is that the family is very spread. Where there are few collections with the whole family, and little communication. It’s simply embarrassing to meet them, because I do not know them anymore. When I was younger, I was most time with my father’s side of the family. Because there I had a cousin, but the problem is that I am the youngest, and the second youngest is 6 years older than me. While on my mother’s side, I have no cousin.

My family shows very little emotions and keeps us secret. We do not sit and have cozy family dinners or have any activities with each other. Only communication is happening on my mobile phone’s side. But the biggest problem is that there is a lot of lies in what they say. We hold things for ourselves and do not handle conflicts or difficulties that may occur. What happens to my cousins, I may never know anything about. I can not say I know them because we do not have contact. My family is not perfect at all, but I love them. I’m a family oriented person, but finding the solution to how to fix this I have not. We have become too scattered, after grandmother died there has been little communication. It did not come as a shock, but it’s sad to think because we did things always before and met often. I’m worried that the jealousy in my family will ruin the last string of communication, then it will be goodbye family.

Learn to enjoy every minute of your life. Be happy now. Don’t wait for something outside of yourself to make you happy in the future. Think how really precious is the time you have to spend, whether it’s at work or with your family. Every minute should be enjoyed and savored.

– Earl Nightingale


Tips for students!

Our students have a lot to do in the course of a vacation. We pass through compulsory submissions, exams, lectures and we also have to do school work outside of the classifications. We go through a lot of stress and it can quickly be difficult to keep motivation up! But what can help is to get an organized routine to achieve the desired outcome.

1. Be motivated. I can’t stress enough how important it is that you are motivated to tackle the mess in your life. Otherwise, when the going gets tough, you will get sloppy. My advice is to make a list – yes, with real pen and paper – of why you want a clean, organized, and manageable life. Tack it up somewhere where you will see it when you start to feel unmotivated.

2. Keep a planner, or a planner app. During the school year, I use my planner religiously to track my classes, assignments, and social plans.

3. Use only one planner. Just as important as using a planner is only keeping one. If you have both a paper planner and an app, or multiple planners, the odds are that something will eventually slip between the cracks when you forget to write down your plans in both. Also, having more than one will take up a lot of your time.

4. Keep it with you. During the school year, I always have my planner on-hand. That way, if I get a new assignment, make plans with friends, or have to schedule a doctor’s appointment, I can write it down immediately before I forget.

5. Stick to your plans. Have a rule: if you write it down, get it done. That way, your planner is more than a helpful reminder of what you could have accomplished today: it’s an actual guide to what you will be doing.

6. Plan at the beginning of every week or month. At the beginning of every new week, sit down and write in your activities, classes, and any reminders for the coming days. I don’t have the time to do this all at once at the beginning of my semester, so doing it on a weekly basis works for me.

7. Use the days-before-it’s-due system. I learned this trick over at Organize My College Life. In your planner, use red pen to mark the day an assignment is due. Write it out in blue pen in the two days ahead; black for three to five days ahead; and green for six to nine days ahead. That way, you will always see assignments coming up on the horizon, and won’t ever be surprised by an essay that’s due tomorrow.

8. Schedule chores. Doing laundry, taking out the trash, you name it. Planning to do this every Sunday will keep your laundry from piling up on the floor, or your bin from overflowing.

9. Save all your syllabi. This is so important. If your professor gives you a guide to what your entire semester is going to look like, don’t lose it.

10. Annotate your syllabi. Mark your syllabus with everything you need to remember.

11. Make an assignment list. When I was taking five classes, keeping an assignment list saved my tail quite a few times. Gather all your syllabi together and make one long sheet of every day that an assignment is due

12. Keep to-do lists. I keep a to do list every day. Do it in your planner, on your phone, or over email – the point is, it will help you stay on-track.

13. Wake up at the same time every day. Whether you’re a morning glory or a late riser, pick a time to wake up every day and stick to it. Often I find that when I oversleep, I feel that my morning has been “wasted” and I don’t do much work. Waking up at the same time every day will help you avoid this and get into a set schedule.

14. Make your bed when you get up. Making your bed will keep your room clean, and will keep you from crawling back in if you’re sleepy.

15. Have a consistent schedule. Try to keep a daily or weekly schedule that you’ll stick to. I find that I’m a lot less productive when my schedule is all over the place.

16. Figure out your most productive time. Figure out what time of the day you are the most productive. For some people, it’s in the early morning before breakfast; for others, mid-afternoon, or late at night. Find when you get the most work done and try to optimize that time for productivity and work.

17. Stock your backpack. I have a friend who spends 15 minutes a day filling their backpack with what they need to work that day. I find that a great time-saver is to have my backpack always stocked with pens, my planner, and a water bottle. In the mornings, you can slip in your laptop and a notebook and you’re ready to go!

18. Plan your outfit ahead of time. I used to spend forever in the mornings picking my outfit. Now I go to bed with a vague idea of what I’ll wear the next day. It helps me save time in the mornings to know what I want.

19. Clean-desk policy. I admit that I consistently fail at this, but I know that my boyfriend finds it very useful. At the end of every night, try to have a clear desk, with just your computer, lamp, or books on it, and no clutter. It will keep your room tidy and make it easier to find what you need in the morning.

20. Clean-floor policy. Ditto with the floor. Again, this is a weak spot for me, but I try not to have any clutter on my floor during the week so that it is easier to get and find what I need.

21. Spend 5 minutes a day cleaning. Seriously, you will be amazed at what you can do in five minutes a day. When I’m having a hard time staying motivated to keep organized, these few minutes at a time save me from total chaos.

22. Have a system for taking notes. It doesn’t matter what kind you use – Cornell notes, color-coded scribbles, or Word Notebook – just make sure that you have a system and stick to it. It will make it easier to review notes later on.

I do not own this tips:

But these tips are very good and some of these I will use to maintain my motivation. But also see if this will give me a better result than what the previous year did.



The perfect ideal

Ever since I was little I understood that I did not look quite like others. I’ve always had more fat on my body than the other has had compared to my age. Ever since I was a child, I have seen the perfect body ideality that is in society. I have been dissatisfied with myself for many years, ever since I was a child that I wanted to just die. I have always been very uncomfortable with my body.

I have always wanted to have the perfect body, have a narrow waist, skinny and tight hips, but also the perfect butt. And it will show that I’m active. Ever since I went around 8-9, I have trained for small periods to get the perfect body. The thing was just that I was unable to finish. The problem was that I was too focused on the perfect thing that I pushed myself too hard, which led me to get tired and quit.

Every year after Christmas Eve it’s a big kick to get the perfect summer body. But how are we going to be motivated for 6 months? I can honestly say I can not follow a training plan step by step for many weeks. But I feel more comfortable with my body now than 11 months ago.

I started exercising 11 months ago and I managed to keep a relatively stable exercise plan. But I do not as easily as I did before, for now I am more mentally prepared for it. I can now see it both physically, but also feel mentally stronger. I have gone down 15kg in 6 months and felt that my body was taking more care. I feel more happy and more hopeful for the future.

I still have a long way to go, but right now I feel satisfied with myself. I manage to relax more and take me chocolate without knowing this is wrong. It is, however, the perfect ideal to feel comfortable with yourself, no matter what you look like. I just want to say that “The reason I exercise is for the quality of life I enjoy.”


Am I an lazy person?

I’m a person who many may want to know in that I’m a lazy person. I do little of myself, and am sure to do the same every day. As you may understand, my characteristics are lazy, shy, unsocial. I love doing the same every day, because it’s safe and I do not have to challenge myself. But am I a lazy person really?

In many ways, I can say yes, that I am a lazy person. But basically, I’m a pretty adventurous person. I want to explore and be social to be able to create new memories. But there is something that stops me every time and that’s the fear. I’m so afraid to fail and do something wrong that results in my friends not wanting to meet more. I am afraid that if I do too much I will struggle even more. I’m afraid I show that I’m a failed person.

There is so much I’m afraid of, but the fear of bidding more of myself and showing who I am scares me. Many do not know about my difficulties or what challenges I can do to do too much. What I fear that I can make myself sicker than I am. When it comes to depression, I feel very little before I get a new period, with difficult thoughts, where I pull myself more and shut out all the social life I had. But should I be afraid that will happen again?

I should not be afraid to bid more of myself or show who I really are. I should not be afraid to get bad periods, because these are the worries that make it worse. It’s because of these thoughts I’m getting worse and I know yes I’m going to have bad periods, but I have to accept them. It’s just a reaction to that body and mentally that I’m tired. I must be able to accept it, but could also live life because I know I’m not really lazy. It’s just an act!

Expectation for second year

Then I start my second year at college, two out of three years. This winter I’m half finished with the bachelor! I have understood more of being a student and learned from my mistakes. I can not exactly say that the first year has gone painless, because I’ve had challenges throughout the year, but I’m not good either when it’s going to be able to sit down and just learn.


As you know, I have hypothyroidism, which means that I can not get the results I want in a simple way. I have symptoms where the concentration is easily absent or that I only manage small sessions. I’m really struggling to just start doing a session and stay out for 1 hour. Another symptom I’ve annoyed is that I have not so much memory anymore, as I would have liked. I struggle to remember a few sentences just after I read them. So I do not understand how to learn to learn, because I see no improvement.

But as I said, I’m going to get better and to do that I have to get more organized. I will have small sessions in 1 hour each day, where I work on a subject whether it is what I have reviewed from today’s lecture or whether it is an improvement to tomorrow’s lecture. I will have pennies where all the notes are going into, for more overview of everything. And not least, be better off asking for help. In the first year, I have taken it all too easily thinking that this is easy and thus easy to learn by myself. Thus, I can either ask the lecturer or send mail. As mentioned, they are the ones who have answered and it is the ones who make the exam. It’s not always advisable to look for the answer online and just think that’s the right one. Most often they can overcomplicate the terms and you still remain empty.

Thus I will be more organized, take small sessions every day and ask for help. I hope it can bring me better results than it has done this year. But it’s like being a student, you’re learning on the road and we’re lucky enough to fix those mistakes!

How is it to have hypothyroidism?

Having hypothyroidism or low metabolism can be easy to live with, but when the symptoms are there and that the disease is quite new, there are challenges.
I received hypothyroidism in 2013, which means I was quite young compared to what is normal. On average, people get the disease at around 40 years of age, and most women.
Everyone experiences it differently, but there are many symptoms with this disease.
* Lack of energy, fatigue
* Hoarseness
* Weight gain
* Dry hair, dry skin, crispy nails
* Unemployed, depressed, discouraged
* Sensible, easy-touched
* Constipation
* Muscle and joint pain
* Sleep problems
* Freezes easily
* Sensitivity to sound, light, noise
* Problems with concentration and memory

What is important is to find the balance of the medication in order to get rid of the symptoms or improve the quality of life. It is also important to check the values ​​often by taking blood samples to make sure that the values ​​are high or low. This is because this disease is because I have a chronic infection of the thyroid gland, which means that if the doctor finds that I need to increase the dose of medicine, it may mean that the medicine does not have enough effect and the infection begins to destroy thyroid.

Now I have had the disease for almost 4 years and still have a long way to go. There are always some new symptoms that comes and goes, but I also need to increase the dose approximately once a year. It can be hard to get the disease in balance, it is known that it may take many years before everything is normal.

It has been a long challenge that I do not have enough energy. That I can do things for about 2 hours before I have to have a long break because I get quickly exhausted. I have not managed to have enough energy to exercise out before last autumn, where I exercise 3 days a week. I even had to get exemption from gymnastics at school because I had so many symptoms of being active.


Another challenge has been that I can quickly get depressed, as you can see through this page that it has been the main focus ever since. I have become very sensitive and my mood can very quickly turn to be depressed. But when I’m doing well, I can do it very well. Now I would like to say that with emotions it is my hardest challenges because I can quickly get depressed and just give up. I can quickly shut me in and stay there for a while because I can not handle the situation among people. But that’s when it’s good to have this page. But also having lack of energy and fatigue has started to get worse again, where I have to take long breaks and maybe sleep a little in the middle of the day to recharge. (But I received a message from the previous blood test that I had to increase the dose).

The main point of hypothyroidism is that you must have patience, regardless of whether you are, or are relatives. I can see for myself that relatives can think it’s hard for things to happen as fast as it happens. It is that you have to be good at telling the doctor about symptoms and having a good routine of taking blood samples, and then it will get better. The disadvantage of this disease is the risk of having other chronic diseases such as diabetes, arthritis and rheumatism, but also others. This is a disease that I will have for the rest of my life, and that means I just have to accept it. But do not take it too seriously, get to know your body and feel when I have to pull back a little to relax. But also do the usual activities that I did before I got sick.

I’m back!

Hi guys!


I just wanted to say I’ve taken a break since June, because I had to get control of all feelings, but also the body. It has been difficult time from Mai and beyond, but this will probably be a post of eventually. But as I said, I’m back and have planned a little, I will be going out once a week, which will say every Friday. There will still be posts about feelings and challenges yet, because that’s what I started with here. But it has also been important for me to make it clear that you can talk about it. It will also come a little bit different about my life, being a student and maybe dreaming for the future.

So just keep reading and in a week there will be a new post.
Thank you for reading, it means so much to me!