Wrong turn

What’s the meaning of life? Do we have goals or missions, that we have to finish until we get our happiness, and really understands what’s the meaning of life. How can we, us humans know that we are on the right track on our purpose?

We are currently 7,4 billion people and already 11,3 million deaths. How can we know that they had happiness or their biggest goal fulfilled? There are so much we can do with our life, that it’s almost impossible to know your life changing goal. I am one of those who doesn’t have a clue on what my purpose is. I thought I knew it, but everything changed in a second.

I can’t imagine to fulfill my dream, my dream has gone dark. Everytime I think about it, I starts to feel cold, sense the negative feeling I got that changed my mind. I was young, and started to think about what would I love to have as a job. I wanted it to be a job that I would love everyday, one you can’t get bored off. I wanted to show my good side and that was to help people. I have always cared about people or animal, no matter how they look or language. I want to understand and help. I knew already in 8th grade, that my purpose was to be a nurse. I got my mind set to it and I was dedicated. I put everything else away, cause I had to follow it, I knew that was the right thing to do.

But after school I started to work at a hospital, and it was amazing in the beginning. But each day that went away, I lost myself more. I wanted to be the best one, and with that I largehad to work hard. And with that cost I got myself sick. I was home for three months before they could figure out what my problem was, and I had a long way after that.

I know today, that my way back then was wrong. I destroyed my young dream and now I can’t think about being a nurse. It gives me so much pain and I really hate the idea. But I am not perfect and that’s okay. Maybe it wasn’t my purpose at all, but right then it felt right? But I have learned from it and it can only make me stronger. I hope that I will find my purpose soon, cause right know I feel empty and can’t figure out myself and on what’s the meaning of life.

What do I want to do?

To be an student can be difficult. You get challenged on many different sides, psychical and mentally. Many students moves away from their hometown, their family and the safe environment. Why are we doing that?

largeI have thought a lot these past few days on why have I pushed myself to do this? Is this what I want to do? And what will I get out of this?

I have challenged myself each day since I moved across the country to study Economy and leadership. I was totally focused and school was my first priority. It started very good, actually surprising too well. I changed my lifestyle, where I trained three days in a week and changed my diet. I cut out all sugar and junk food, and added more fruit and vegetable. I used my free time on studying my subjects every single day.

I didn’t have time to get a break and relax to just be me. Because school what the first priority. I can totally say that I overworked and it ended up with that my body said stop. large-1Why did I do that to myself? Haven’t I learned anything yet?

I should have learned about it now. But my problem is that when I got things put on the first list, I had to finish it, no matter what. I can easily just take my other priorities away and just focus on that.

So these past few weeks I have thought if this is what I wanna do? Do I want to feel like an inhuman and just take it as it is or do I want to be free and really find myself and my goals?

What’s the meaning with life, when you got no clue on what your goals are?


As you guys now, I am doing my last year at high school and that is an very important year. This is my last year before university and because of that I need motivation. And I guess that I am not the only one who struggles to stay focused and motivated in school. So I found this site: http://www.keishornescott.com/how-to-stay-motivated-and-focused-in-school/ . This is a site that I have been on when I’m starting to miss hope and need motivation.

Tips for Staying Motivated and focused in School
To succeed in high school and college, you have to do your best at all times. But sometimes it’s hard to stay motivated and focus, even when you really care about the work you’re doing. Here are five ways to stay on the right track and succeed.


1. Get rid of distractions and HIDE YOUR PHONE LOL

I know you want to hang out, chill, party or even sleep very late, but you need to stay focus on what matters most in your life. You’re education and your success! Don’t waste time or money chasing things that won’t help you graduate or succeed in life.

large-2The key to success in school is staying focused on your work. make a plan. Although it’s tempting to do the simplest assignments first, those that take more time and effort to accomplish are probably the ones that you’ll learn the most from.

We, as humans, can be easily distracted by just about anything, from the nagging voice of a family member to the insatiable yearning to finish the latest episode of Power or Scandal (which are my two favorite shows… don’t judge me lol. Some of these distractions can be dealt with by simply removing the distraction. For example, you could politely ask your sister or brother to quiet down, lower the music or watch TV in the other room. If that doesn’t work, you could wear ear plugs or listen to soothing music if that works for you. The goal is finding something that works for YOU! Your best interest. But it’s not always as easy as that. Set yourself up for success by creating a reasonable (and productive!) interval schedule: every assignment completed, you can watch one TV show, or something along those lines. Be patient with yourself and don’t beat yourself up.

2. Be Organized, or at least try your best to be

“For every minute spent organizing, an hour is earned.”

Organized student = successful student!

Having an organized study/work space can be the greatest of motivators. Trust me. First, it is less likely that you’ll be distracted because you won’t be surrounded by things that are, in a sense, invading your space. Second, if you do find some organization (and it doesn’t need to be a typical or common version of organization; we each need to find our own version of what it means to be organized), you’ll discover that focusing is easier. Start by simply putting your flashcards or study guides in one area or folder. Place your regular use items, like your coffee mug, favorite note-taking pen or Superman action figure, in the place you always put them.

3. Do what you love

large-4Do what you love and love what you do! Doing what you love is a great thing. Don”t let anyone tell you different. Just as no one wants to be stuck in a job that they don’t like, students don’t want to be in a program that doesn’t bring them joy and satisfaction. If you find the educational pursuit that you love, whether it’s in business administration or criminal justice or bagpiping lol yes that is a major, you will find reasons to stay motivated. If you have a chosen course of study, you care about it and want to do well. So, please, strive toward pursuing and doing what you love! I believe in you! Trust me, but most of all… TRUST YOURSELF!
4. Find support group and be around like minded people

Create or join  a group of people around you who want to help you succeed. Mentors can be teachers, family or friends who can give you guidance and help you develop new skills. Counselors can help you with planning your courses and starting to explore colleges. You can also reach out to friends and peers who can motivate you by listening and sharing ideas. Also, join study groups at school with students that are in the same class or field as yourself. Good luck and stay encouraged

5. Know your limits and find your balance

As much as we’d like to think we’re invincible, we’re not. And that’s just fine. Invincibility is not the game we were built for. We get tired and we get frustrated and we get overwhelmed. The important lesson is to first discover your limits. For example, you may find that you study best in the morning. If you are to apply this lesson to the example, stick to studying in the morning. Don’t push it. You’ll be happier and most effective that way. The second part, once you figure out your limits, is to find a balance. Even if you wanted and had the energy to dedicate every waking moment to studying, you probably shouldn’t If you did, you may suffer elsewhere: your health, friendships or relationship with your partner, which contribute to your overall well-being. The point is, we all need a balance in our lives. The more balance we find, the happier and more successful we’ll be.

The enemy within

A tear isn’t just an any tear, it shows the pain, the grief in life. Tears show a lot of emotions, mostly not for an positive side. It is an expression to show the pain that you have about something or about yourself.

I have cried many times for the last five years, I have just broke down cause I couldn’t handle the normal life, because that is not me anymore. I am a person who is sick and will always have those periods where you can’t control your emotions anymore. And believe me I have tried my best to show my best side. I can’t hide those emotions or get them away, I will always have them. It’s the truth that I have to understand. I can’t imagine a life where I will never feel depressed anymore, I can get less periods, but I can’t get them completely away.

I can feel the pain when I see photos of someone crying. I can see that they are hurt or are just tired of life. It is hard to know these things cause it effects yourself. That is one of the most hurtful personality that you can have. I just have to realize that this is me and I have to control it, and the only thing that can help me with that is to talk to my doctor when I feel the symptoms are coming back.


I just wished that this would be over now, but I was wrong.



My drug

I have been thinking a lot about my childhood, when I was around ten to fourteen years old. It is weird to see how your personality will change in such a short time. For example me and my friends in elementary school was exploring the theme around music. We found a pop/rock band from Germany, the band was called tokio hotel. That was the first time anyone of us really have found something interesting about music. It was not like typical what children would hear. We came to our teenage stage, where we were fangirling over this band. That band was a big part of us and it is still now. Only because they got us girls closer, but it is also the memories we have from that time. The craziness we had that no other on our age had.

And because of that music have been the most important thing to me. It is the relaxation with but it is also something else. It can express our feelings and we can feel the song. I have spend a lot of time to listen to music. It has got so far that I have to sleep with music on, if I don’t I will not feel full rested the next day. The most important with music for me are to feel the relaxation and the feeling you get when your really feeling the song.

If you had said to me when I was around twelve years old, that music will be my drug. Then I wouldn’t believe it, but it is and it will be. But it is the most amazing feeling and it has helped a lot along the way. I don’t have any favorite genre at all, cause it keeps changing all the time. And that is a great feeling to not be lock into on thing.And you can also see that with everyone that music is a big part of everyone and it will grow!


I will remind you that if you want to read my posts from the notebook then you have to send me a message or give me your e-mail and you will get the password.


It’s a notebook

I have an gold notebook where I have been writing from 28th of march in 2015. That was the period where everything started to go black. Everything was changed that date and I wanted to share a few with you!

In this notebook I have been writing about my deepest thoughts and about when times have been very difficult. And now I will start to translate them over to english and publish a few of them here. The thing is that I am gonna have password on them, so if you want to read them. The plan is to have them published on Sunday, but I’m not sure if I will publish every Sunday. But that will be on the first post. I will start publish the posts next Sunday on the 31th of January.

Please send me a message and you will get the password!

2015 – part 2

I have been writing this part a few times. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to write so much in detail in this one. I imagined that I was gonna write 3 parts, but the original part wasn’t easy to write, so I skipped that one (This is the last part).

Things that happened from June-December:

  • Concert, I went on a one direction concert with my best friend in Oslo. We had a blast and enjoyed our time together.
  • Vacation, me and my mom went on a cruise from Venezia, Croatia, Greece and Venezia again. It was so relaxing to be on a cruise where you didn’t have to plane anything, since everything was there. But also all the places we went to was just amazing to see.
  • School, I had to move away to go on this school, so that was a really good thing for me. But also that I went to school is something that helped me a lot.


  • Show, me and my dad went on a show of an illusionist called Alexx Alexxander. The show was so incredible! But we also met him and some of his crew and they are such nice people. They take time to talk to his fans and are so good hearted. The show was so amazing that me & dad went on five shows, and every show was different but it got us both speechless every single time. So we can’t wait until March!


I think that this year has been difficult and very exhausting at the same time, but I have also got the time so see something that has changed my perspective about life. It all toped when my grandma passed away and it is still isn’t easy. It has been a very difficult time for me for almost five years now, and I feel that finally that it is my time to feel free and live. To start to learn about myself and explore the world. So let’s just hope that it will continue in 2016 or get better!